This face, these photos. I will never ever be able to get these haunted looking eyes out of my head. Halloween night, he spent all night in our bed, restless on my chest and making a light moaning sound when he wasn't vomiting or dry heaving. I couldn't believe my barely 6 month old had the flu. He looked so pale and miserable and oddly, wouldn't nurse. He seemed like he was in pain but I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't want to be "that mom" who ran to the ER just for a case of the flu. Fast forward to our pediatrician appointment early the next morning, it was determined Carter was severely dehydrated and had lost a full pound in just 3 weeks. He wouldn't nurse but he did take some Pedialyte - and then we were off to Elliot Hospital in Manchester for more tests.
I'll never forget how Carter looked when he stopped the low moan sound - he looked defeated, tired and very, very sick. When a "last resort" test revealed the 787 blood sugar and that Carter was clearly diabetic, my heart stopped. Getting the news we would be headed to Boston children's hospital, my husband quickly left to go grab essentials for the 3 of us (family had our other 2 when they got out of school). My head was spinning but I pulled a nurse aside and asked if Carter would be ok. I expected something along the lines of "now that we know what it is he will be fine in no time" ... Instead I got this horrible look of pity. She said to me "we are doing everything we can... But he is currently in critical condition". Again... I'll never forget those words. Or how Carter looked. Or my frantic call to my husband to get back to us asap because everything was far worse than they'd initially let on. Our world was literally crashing around us. It was quite literally the worst day of my entire life.
It's been exactly 1 year since Carter was diagnosed with diabetes. It's been a very long, tough year but we have learned a lot and my baby has shown his strength time and time again. He is healthy and happy even without any real control over his diabetes still. But he is truly my hero and tonight we celebrated with a grand ol' cupcake just for him. He beyond deserved it. Happy first diaversary, Carter T. 💙💙